I molested 6 butterflies tonight
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
