soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
