I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
