if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
