I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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