im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
