Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
