dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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