i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
