Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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