the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
