Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
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