We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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