There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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