I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
