he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Edward fifth and chaser hands
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
