when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize