wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We have started to decorate penises.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
