Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
