just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
