dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
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Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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