u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
