I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize