how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
