I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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