I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
