I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I love you.
Bad choice
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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