if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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