By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
