Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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