she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
And my parents said I crawled through the house
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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