Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's shark week go big or go home
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
