Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
