some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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