i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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