1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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