my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
