Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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