whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
