Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
