Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
