When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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