Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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