My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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