oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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