I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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