It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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