1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
