i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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