last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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