I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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