Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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