Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
