I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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