One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
