i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize