Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
