There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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