I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
