Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
As shirtless as possible
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
