Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
