pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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